My first appointment update, etc.

Yuck! This day started out pretty sucky!!! First, I had to wake Braden up to ride with me to take the kids to school. Then, on the way home from taking them, about 2 blocks from home, I popped a tire. I called AAA and managed to still get to my appointment on time about an hour later after walking home in 40 degree weather with Braden and I without coats. What a fun morning!!! Ugghhhh!!!!

My appointment wasn't at all what I expected. I was expecting a physical with pap and all but all we did was weight, BP, pee test, and go over my bloodwork results. Nothing special. I spilled a lot of protein today, though, so I have to go back to the lab sometime this coming week and do another test for them to double check. They want to be sure if I am getting a urinary tract infection or anything like that that they treat it immediately. She said it is very important to catch them early. I have never had this problem before so I am not sure what is going on. I also talked to her about my concerns over this pregnancy being high risk and moving, selling the house, etc. She told me she wanted me to meet with the doctor next Tuesday morning so that we could discuss what he feels is best for the baby and I. I won't be at all surprised if he says I need to stay here for the duration of my pregnancy and avoid stress as much as possible. That is nearly impossible since Trav is gone, I am stuck packing/prepping the house for sale, taking care of the kids, doing all house/yardwork, etc. My life right now is the definition of stress! Which is what terrifies me as I know that the reason I had all the problems with Braden's birth is stress. I was under horrible stress at work with converting from working FT at the office and going to 3 hours at the office and the rest at home along with taking care of 2 kids under 4 years old and being 7 months pregnant. Totally not fun!!! I just hope that things go well this time. I guess I just have to put it all in God's hands. He is the one who made this pregnancy happen so He must have a reason. Everyone says that there is a reason for everything. There must be. I hope that this baby is a complete blessing for our family and that all goes well and we end up with a gorgeous baby boy or girl and a healthy mom in the end.

I did manage to get the tire fixed on the car today after the appointment, ran to Walmart VERY quickly, and rented the storage unit. So, at least I did get some things accomplished. Also found out that not only one tire, but two needed fixing/replacing. Guess I was driving on an almost completely flat tire besides the one that actually popped! It is so hard with that car to know when the tires are getting low.

Took the kids to McDonald's tonight to play and eat. Braden ended up coughing so hard he threw up all over the floor there. So, needless to say, we left quickly. He seems fine now so I hope it was just because he was running around so much that he couldn't help but cough. I am almost sure he has asthma though he seems to still be fighting that cold. I hope he can kick it for good really soon and the rest of us can avoid getting it.

It is almost bedtime so I will end for now. Hopefully nothing else will happen tonight. Tomorrow should be a busy day as the women will be here to pack/clean and Tony will be here to work on the phone stuff and hopefully finish it up. Guess I won't get out of the house tomorrow. Oh well, there is plenty here to keep me busy!

Tuesday update

Well, it was a pretty boring day overall. Ashton and Braden were home with me so we really just hung out at home and relaxed. I did get some laundry done, but that was it. I guess I just needed a break after Monday's packing day. I have planned to do errands on Wednesday as long as Beth is willing to watch Ashton after school. I love those days as it gives me all day to just have Braden and I tend to get most of my errands/shopping done that day. Glad that we have the arrangement that we have.

Tony came over and worked on the phone system again and finally got it figured out. The next day he is here, he will put the finishing touches on it and get all the rest of the wall units in place. I am glad that things are getting done so that we can get this house listed and sold. But, it is kind of like having Joe around in that his schedule is so demanding that it seems to take forever to get things done. Oh well, at least, like I said, they are getting done even if it is taking a while. I am so anxious to move and be with my husband again. Today I was pretty sappy and had to call Trav to gush all over the place to him. At least he knows that I totally miss him and love him.

Tomorrow I have my appointment with the nurse at the OB/GYN. I am kind of anxious and scared about the bloodwork that was done and about what she can tell me. Hopefully all will be well and I can relax a bit. I really don't think that I will relax through this whole pregnancy, though. I just hope that the baby and I make it through with our health intact.

Holy crap!!!!!

I'm pregnant again!!!!!!

Now the whole story....yesterday morning, I decided to take a home pregnancy test. See, I haven't had a period since before Trav moved so I thought I would just check things out. I bought a test about a week ago but have kept putting off taking it since I took one last time I was late at Trav's request and was negative. I thought this time, like last time, it was just my cycle being screwed up due to all the stress of getting ready to move and stuff. Well, turns out that was part of it, but not all of it. So, I got up in the morning at 7:00am and immediately locked myself in the bathroom to do the test. Did it and set it up on the windowsill to wait. Checked it a few minutes later and there was one dark line and one faint line. Immediately started freaking out!!!!! Decided to call at 8:00am to the doctor and have her order a serum test. So, got the kids ready and off to school all the while freaking out. Got back home with the baby and called the doctor. They told me to go to the lab mid-morning as the request would be there by then. So, took shower, ate breakfast, played with the baby, called my sister freaking out, etc. Around 10:30am, went to the lab. Asked when I would have the results and they told me tomorrow (today). So here I am at 4:40am, Tuesday, October 16 wondering when I will get the call. I also called and scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN for next week and have to go in to the lab again today to get a qualitative and quantitative test and a fasting blood glucose level today. So, been fasting since about 6pm with just a few sips of water. That's really okay since I am experiencing nausea this time. Which reminds me.....

I was totally clueless that this could be possible for a few reasons. First, I was sure that we were safe when we had sex. The doctor's office said that stress can definitely alter when you ovulate so I just ovulated earlier than I normally would have. So, according to my calculations of when I was safe, I WAS safe! My body just totally messed with me....and here I am. Secondly, during all three of my other pregnancies, my first symptoms were breast tenderness and dizziness. I have had NEITHER of those. And, I swear....those were the first two things I felt EVERY OTHER TIME! So, I was confident that my period was just late due to stress....since I am under tons of stress with the move, the kids, Trav being gone. Looking back, the fatigue I have been feeling makes sense now. So does the cramping around the time I thought I should be getting my period. And, the crankiness (though I conveniently forgot about how moody pregnancy hormones make you at first)! And now, I am blessed with nausea though I never had it during any of the other pregnancies.

So, besides being blessed with these fun symptoms, I am totally freaking out about this whole pregnancy. See, we thought we were done having children. I just got done having garage sales where I sold EVERYTHING baby related - the crib, the baby carseat (last year even), the pack-n-play, all clothes that are too small for Braden as well as all baby girl clothes, all my reference books, etc. Thankfully, I took the test before I took my maternity clothes to the resale store or listed the breastpumps on Ebay. I am going to take a few more things to AAI to donate, but am keeping the Boppy and a couple infant toys I was going to donate as well as my maternity clothes. I am also freaking out because of how Braden's birth was. I am totally terrified that I will have problems again. Even the doctor mentioned this and said that I would be "monitored closely". What happens if something happens to the baby or to ME? I would never have chosen to put myself or my family in the position where something could happen and they would lose me. This is my biggest fear. Even though I always said I wanted four children, since Braden's birth, I swore he would be the last for fear that something worse than a premie happen next time. Here I am totally freaking out because now I have to live those fears and not just imagine the possibility. I am praying so hard that God keeps me and the baby safe and that this pregnancy turns out to be as good as Madison's or Ashton's. I don't want to leave my husband without a wife nor my children without a mother. I am SOOOOOO scared right now. I am totally scared, also, to tell Trav. He has sworn for so long that he did NOT want another child. He even mentioned how he was as serious as divorce over the issue. Not that he would divorce me, necessarily, but that he was dead serious about being done. So now I am terrified to tell him and wondering when I should. I am planning on waiting to tell him when he comes back to visit. I am hoping that he will know that I did NOT do this on purpose, that I am terrified about this whole pregnancy, and that I DESPERATELY need his support to make it through this in addition to all I am going through besides. I have been praying that God would intervene for me and give us both peace and take care of all of us through this. I am thinking about going and talking to Father (and was thinking about it before I even found out I was pregnant - just to talk to someone about the stress I feel with the move and to get some spiritual guidance) to get some guidance on how I feel, how to tell Trav, and just to feel better in general. I know when Carolyn talked to a priest during her struggles, she said that was what helped her the most. Also, now we won't have any choice but to get a van. The timing of this sucks so bad as we really need to save all the extra money we can to get a new house. So, this really bothers me too! Seems, petty, probably, but it just compounds the other worries I have.

Okay...back to present day. Today I am going to the lab after Madison goes to school to get he bloodwork done that the doctor ordered. I will also be waiting for the call from Dr. L to confirm that it is indeed true. Then, I will be reviewing what I have forgotten about taking care of myself while caring for the boys. I am hoping that I feel better today - I had thought I was getting the flu as my appetite wasn't the greatest the last couple days, I was nauseous and tired. Now, though, I know it isn't the flu. Anyway, just going to try to take care of myself and the kids and get used to this whole idea. I need to find peace with it so that when I tell Trav, I can deal with his fears. I guess I just have to hope that God had a plan bigger than ours and that this is supposed to be for some amazing reason.